December 14, 2008

December 14, 2008
Seven Warning Signs of a Troubled Relationship

Welcome to my Sunday. It has been a nice relaxing weekend so far. I hope you are having a great one also and remembering to take some time out for yourself during this busy holiday season.

We are having another cold snap here in North Florida but at least we did not get snow like New Orleans did. Even an inch of snow or ice would shut this city down because of all the bridges.

I will be going to the First Coast Chorus Holiday Concert this afternoon which is being held at the Riverside Baptist Church. I have several friends singing in the group and they donated teddy bears to our Teddy Bear Touchdown last year. If you are in Jacksonville and attend the concert; be sure to stop by and say hello.

I get a lot of emails about relationships through this website. Emails about finding love, jealousy and how to know when you should end a relationship.

So the topic for today is seven warning signs of a troubled relationship and how to recognize them.

When couples wait too long to ask for help, the relationship may be beyond repair. The sooner help is sought, the better chance there is of recovering, saving and actually strengthening the relationship. This includes issues dealing with affairs or other types of betrayal.

“The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost.”

The longer we wait, the more entrenched we get in destructive patterns and resentment and all hope for change is lost. At a certain point we don't even want change... we just want to be done.

The seven warning signs that a relationship is in trouble are:

1. Fighting has become the rule rather than the exception to the rule.

2. You find yourself looking outside the relationship for comfort, care, and understanding.

3. You can not remember what attracted you to your partner in the first place.

4. There is little or no intimacy in your relationship such as sleeping in different rooms or different beds, lack of interest, anger, and hostility so that intimacy is out of the question.

5. Spending very little time together, friends seem to be more important than your partner.

6. Reactions to situations are disproportionate to the content of the disagreement (i.e., feeling your partner does not love you because she/he did not like the meal you cooked).

7. Feeling helpless and hopeless to change anything. Feeling done with the relationship, but unclear as to where to go and what to do. Feelings of anger, resentment, pain, and desperation are predominant.

If any or all of these describe you in your relationship, your relationship is in trouble and it won't be long before something more drastic happens, such as an affair, arguments get worse and inflate with intensity, increased jealousy, silence for longer periods of time, and sometimes even physical and/or verbal abuse.

Before your relationship reaches that critical crisis point, look at the warning signs and do something before it's too late:

1. Seek psychotherapy

2. Read books

3. Talk to a spiritual/religious advisor

Without help, the relationship will never get better with time; once a certain level of resentment, anger, and hostility hits, it will simply get worse and worse. Avoiding a total crisis and saving the relationship is done by knowing when you're in trouble and taking immediate action.

I hope these helpful tips answer some of your questions. I know it is hard to end a relationship where love once resided. But for me, it all comes down to whether both are working on a relationship or if it becomes a full time job for one to keep it going.

It is very easy for people to take their significant other for granted. The current state of our economy is not helping relationships because of the stress involved.

The most important thing to me is being happy with myself and what I am doing in life. If I just happen to be with someone who makes me happy, that is icing on the cake.

Drop me a line and let me know what you think.

Wishing you health, hope and happiness.

Big bear hug,

Daddy Dab