February 5, 2010

February 5, 2010

Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Friday and the end of another work week for most of us. I wish my week was over but I still have three more days until the move is finished and done.

Yesterday I saw Dr. Portalatin for probably the last time. I has been using him as my general physician off and on for twenty years whenever I have been living in Jacksonville. So it turned out to be emotional for both of us. See I was his first HIV positive patient after he left the armed services and went into private practice. I also sent him over 15 other HIV positive persons to his practice. He told me today I am the last one of those patients still living. So it was very sad leaving and even his nurse gave me a big hug today.

Today I would like to talk about expectations. The definition of expectations is a presumed degree of probability of an occurrence.

See we often have expectations of people whether they are friends, co-employees or lovers. Unfortunately, so many of the time people can disappoint us when we project our expectations onto them. We want or desire certain actions sometimes because we expected that level of friendship or help from ourselves toward others. Sometimes we expect them for other reasons. But ultimately, most of the time we will only be disappointed because we can only control our own actions and not those of others.

I have had to let certain anger, resentment and disappointment feelings go this week. They are only negative energy and have no place in my life at this time. I need to save all my energy for health and positivity with my current health problems.

But even having done that I still have sore and hurt feelings because of all I did for this person. I will not go into the who, how or why. The person probably would not even realize themselves in the blog anyway. But this has reminded me why I am not longer around the person and chances are we will never see each other again once I leave unless we happen to run into each other at a HIV/AIDS conference. Sad that you can spend four years of your life with someone to only end up feeling used and dismissed.

So leaving Jacksonville will have one additional perk now since I probably will never see that person again which will give me time to let the wounds heal. Which is kind of sad especially since there was once love and care there. But while I know I was never number one or at least I did not feel I was. I now know I am way further down the list then where I thought. See even a daddy's feelings can be hurt.

So time to finish packing, cleaning and move on to the next chapter in my life.

I would like to take a minute and thank George. See I never would have made it through this week without George. Not only has he been my rock during a rough time. But he has literally spent probably at least 60 hours during the past two trips to get this place ready to move to South Florida. I know I can count on him to always give his best which is what I always try to do for others.

See when one person lets you down and disappoints you, I hope you have someone like George to be there for you.

Later this afternoon, I will be gong to get the Uhaul. Then some friends from Lutheran Social Services and local HIV/AIDS organizations are coming over to help. Then tomorrow morning so more are coming to help me finish to get on the road.

A friend is someone who lifts you up, expects you even for your bad points and always is there for you. And I am truly blessed to have so many special friends in my life. I wish the same for you.

Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope and happiness.

big bear hug,

Daddy Dab