6 Ground Rules for Getting Back
Together with an Ex
Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Monday and I hope you had a beary safe and great weekend. Dab the AIDS Bear is heading back home for some down time before the events next weekend. So stay tuned for more new pictures and slide shows soon.
We all have those exes weíre cool with never talking to again. Like, ever. But then there are the ones who we'd be open to going there with again... if the situation was right.
Of course, getting back together with an ex isnít easy. You broke up for a reason ó even if the details are hazy right now ó and thereís a chance you could both fall back into old habits that just didnít work when you were a couple.
That said, itís not uncommon to make up with a former flame and try to move on. We are wired for attachment and also for new experiences. When we can have a bit of both by getting back together with a former lover, many of us jump at the opportunity.
Itís possible to have more success with round two, you just need to approach it the right way. Thinking of going there again with your ex?
COOL YOUR JETS
Yes, youíre super-psyched that youíre spending time together again and yes, the makeup sex is really hot. But, if itís going to work out, thereís no rush. While thereís no proven formula for what speed you should move at, it doesnít hurt to slow down and take a beat before you slap a label on things.
DONíT VIEW IT AS A NEW RELATIONSHIP
Itís tempting to look at this as starting a whole new relationship, but facts are facts: Youíve dated each other before. It is important for a couple to build on the past relationship, warts and all. So what if youíve been there, done that? This is a new chapter, and itís going to be epic.
BE REAL ABOUT YOUR TIME APART
Nowís the time to speak up if you were with someone while you two were broken up. You donít have to go into details. A simple, I dated someone for a few months is good enough ó unless that someone was his best friend/coworker or anyone else that might trigger hurt or jealousy. Itís important to at least mention it so that there are no surprises down the road. If your guy is upset about it (even though, hello, you werenít together anymore), then talk about it and address any concerns or fears ó and then move on.
ÖAND WHY YOU WANT TO GET BACK TOGETHER
Are you frustrated because your last date tried to floss his teeth with a strand of your hair after dinner, or do you really think thereís something positive and healthy worth pursuing with your ex? If itís the former, thatís not a great reason to run back to your ex. But if itís the latter, go for it.
COVER OLD ISSUES
So, heads up: Itís pretty likely that old fights and problems are going to crop up againóitís best to get ahead of them. You donít have to reenact your Worst Fight Ever, but you should discuss the issue behind it, plus what youíre going to do to avoid another one of those in the future. Talking about it when youíre both calm is key since youíre much more likely to get somewhere.
KNOW WHAT YOUíRE GETTING INTO
Sure, people change, but theyíre usually more likely to stay the same. Basically, donít think that things will be different after the ďgetting to know you againĒ stage is over. It is very common for couples to fall back into the same patterns which they found themselves in the previous time. Hated his habit of turning into a couch-loving sloth on Sundays? Odds are, youíre going to deal with it again.
Wish you the best of luck and have a beary safe and great Monday!
Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope, happiness and just enough.
big bear hug,