July 23, 2015

July 23, 2015
27 Insane Out-Dated Sex Laws
Still in Existence

Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Thursday and I hope you are having a beary safe and great week so far. Dab the AIDS Bear and I are in bed with another horrible bug so we're not doing much this week.

There are so archaic and insidious laws on the books in the United States which should have been taken off decades ago. So today and tomorrow I will blog about 27 insane out-dated sex laws still in existence.

When you take a look at the outdated laws still on the books, you’ll be shocked. The old fashioned ideas of what was normal and allowed, and what was deemed unnatural and unusual are obvious. Then there are other undeniably strange laws whose origins are unknown. And we’ve got a record of it all in state legislation.

According to Virginia law, you can’t have sex with the lights on. Sure, you can have sex, but don’t push it! You still can’t see your partner naked.

While North Carolina doesn’t care what you see, they want to control how you do it. By law, sexual activity is limited to the missionary position with the shades drawn. Who regulates these laws?

And don’t even try oral sex! Legislation is not onboard, describing “copulation by means of mouth,” as an “abominable, detestable crime against nature.” South Dakota, Utah, Rhode Island, Florida, and New Mexico’s outdated law could slap you with anything from a 400 dollar fine to twenty years in prison. Twenty. Years.

One Oregon law really puts the clamps down on sexual expression: No talking dirty in your lover’s ear during sex. Pro-tip: Just whisper regular things like “How was work?” and “I went to grocery store and got you that ice cream you like… and your prescription,” in a sexy tone… It’s all about tone.

You ever complain that there’s a little more ‘give’ for you in your relationship’s ‘give and take?’ Well, California’s got you covered. One of their laws bans each partner from reaching climax in foreplay.

Massachusetts puritanical law tried to fight the tide of women’s equality through sex laws. Apparently, they were prohibited from being on top, because you know, one day you allow women to be on top, they’ll be wanting to vote the next! The nerve!

Patrons in strip joints in Spokane, Washington, would probably pass up on their patronage if enforcement somehow managed to enforce a law that prohibits strippers from coming within four feet of their customers. Imagine a guard posted at the door, yelling, “No touching!” a la Arrested Development. So I guess a lap dance is out of the question…

Ever wanted to celebrate the love of your life and your love of the outdoors on the same day? Well, that’s tough if you’re a hunter on your wedding day in Oblong, Illinois. Apparently, it’s illegal to have sex on your wedding day if you went fishing or hunting.

Guys, you know when you have that urge to fire a gun while your girl is climaxing? You know the feeling. Unfortunately for men in Connorsville, Wisconsin, you’re not allowed to really cap off the copulation with a bang.

Here’s one of my favorites. In Texas, it’s illegal to be a dildo proponent. So if you’re a dildo fan, that’s fine, just, keep it yourself.

Tennessee schools decided to nip the whole PDA thing in the bud. At the hands to be specific. Still a law leftover from the Puritan age, Tennessee students are not allowed to hold hands in school.

Arizona lawmakers at one time wrote a law prohibiting anyone from having more than two sex toys. Why draw the line at two? Was some legislator like, “Okay two, that’s fine. But three? Now that’s dangerous.” Texas is a little more lenient, allowing for up to six sex toys, because really, who needs more than six?

In Florida, their sexual legislation restricts “unusual acts” which is tremendously unclear. Another similar law in West Virginia, bans couples who “lewdly associate.” These lawmakers went with a “you’ll know it when you see it,” sort of method.

We all know perverts go-to trick for getting a sneak-peak under a women’s skirt is by looking through the reflection on their patent leather shoes. Very astutely, Cleveland outlawed the shoes, and saved women from exposing themselves with blurry reflections of their underwear. If that’s even a thing.

Hope the shock and horror also had a few laughs... I will blog about the rest of the outlandish laws tomorrow. But seriously when will the nonsense end. Have a beary safe and great Thursday!

Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope, happiness and just enough.