July 24, 2015

July 24, 2015
27 Insane Out-Dated Sex Laws
Still in Existence
Part 2

Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Friday and I hope you are having a beary safe and great week so far. Dab the AIDS Bear and I are in bed with another horrible bug so we're not doing much this week.

There are so archaic and insidious laws on the books in the United States which should have been taken off decades ago. So yesterday I started blogging about 27 insane out-dated sex laws still in existence which I will finish today.

In Iowa, there’s a law on the books that limited kissing to five minute intervals. Honestly, I’m not sure if this a bad thing. If someone can stand there and count down from five minutes while you’re kissing, then yeah, maybe you should take a break.

According to Pennsylvania law, any group of at least 16 women is automatically an official brothel, because why else would 16 women live together? So, Pennsylvania RA’s on girl’s floors, little did you know, you’re an official brothel Madam. Congrats!

North Carolina still has a law on the books that makes getting it on in a graveyard illegal. Seeing that doing the dirty in public is already illegal due to the “indecent exposure and lewd acts” clause of the law, it begs the question: who the heck had sex in a graveyard that lawmakers had to say, “You can’t you have sex in public anymore, Larry, especially not the graveyard!”

Here’s a truly fascinating law leftover from the good old days. In Clinton, Oklahoma, they banned men from masturbating while observing a couple making love in the back seat of a car in a drive-in theater. As the cops arrest the pervert, he’s like, “But they…! What about them?”

In Massachusetts, it is illegal to have sex with a rodeo clown. It’s really a shame because most rodeo clowns get into the business for the crazy amount of sex they get. Maybe this law is why rodeos moved out west.

Even today, Nebraska doesn’t sound like the go-to place to have hot hotel sex. Years ago, they set a precedent by demanding you must wear clean, cotton nightshirts while sleeping at a hotel, even while having sex. Sexayyyy!

In Willowdale, Oregon, they’ve got a problem with potty mouths while doing the dirty. On the books, you are not allowed to swear during sex. Just, keep it PG while you’re having sex.

Oklahoma bar owners are responsible to keep their customers in check when it comes to making sure they don’t pretend to have sex with a buffalo. Let that sink in for a second…There were enough people in Oklahoma pretending to have sex with a buffalo that they had to make a law against it.

Apparently, the firemen of Huntington West Virgina were a noisey crew when it came to talking to women. An old law prohibits firemen specifically from whistling or flirting with women. Why not all men?

In Wisconsin, they put an end to kissing while riding a train. Thank God, right? There’s nothing more egregious, lewd and immoral than kissing on the train.

But you know what’s really disgusting? Kissing a man with a mustache. So disgusting the good folks of Eureka, California, decided to forbid women from kissing mustachioed men.

Connecticut very conscientiously banned “private sexual behavior between consenting adults.” Wait, what? What can Connecticut residents do? Of course, it was probably meant to ban unmarried adults from having sex, but leave it to Connecticut, the stereotypically stiffest state, to make it sound like no one can have sex.

Ready for the best sex law still on the books? It comes from the good people in Carlsbad, New Mexico. By law, you can, I repeat, you can have sex in a parked car as long the curtains are drawn during your lunch break. First, of all, I want to congratulate Carlsbad legislator’s aplomb in the face of the “indecent exposure/lewd acts” clause. They had the courage to enable their constituents’ right to have a good old fashioned nooner. That’s clearly what this is about. If it’s not lunch, go ahead and drive home to have sex. But if it’s lunch? Do it there. Carlsbad saw the upsides to giving your workforce the protection of the law to have sex, so you can get back to work without having to rush home from your midday sexual liaison. Bravo.

Hope these laws gave you a few laughs and you have a beary safe and great Friday!

Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope, happiness and just enough.

big bear hug,

Daddy Dab