May 21, 2009

May 21, 2009


Back and Legs




Welcome to another blog entry and day in my life. I hope your week is going better than mine.

I hate it when I get back and leg pain. Normally it is wet or cold weather which can trigger it. And it has been raining cats and dogs here for the past few days. So I was up almost all night last night with my chronic neuropathy and spinal problems.

I have chronic neuropathy from the HIV medications. All those years of high doses of AZT, Norvir and Zerit have progressively destroyed my nervous system. I no longer have much feeling from my forearms to my fingers and my calfs to my toes. Just a feeling of constant pain which is mostly controlled by high doses of pain killers and meditation. I also have several ruptured and herniated discs in my back from a motorcycle accident several years ago which complicates the issue.

So I am having to take a few more days off from my workouts which I hate. But I know I am doing the right thing even though I feel like I am already starting to lose a little of my muscle pump. Not that I am vain which I am... afterall I am gay and a ex-model. LOL. But it is just so hard for me to keep on muscle because of chronic wasting. So anytime I have to stop working out I also have the additional danger of losing weight and muscle mass.

But I am still alive and glad to be here so I will quit complaining. I know many others, especially long term survivors, who have it as bad and worse. My friend, Kengi, in Los Angeles was messaging me about all the pain his sickle cell anemia was causing him and I felt guilty for being in the little pity party I was having for myself. Kengi reminded me that no matter how bad things get there are others who are even worse off. So get my ass up and make the best I can out of the day. Thanks Kengi. I hope you are feeling better. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

I spent most of the day adding new pictures to the graphics on the website. These pictures are being sent in by our new Ambassadors of Hope. Our Ambassadors are activists, community leaders, donors, supporters, celebrities and personalities helping spread Dab the AIDS Bear 29 year message of hope. They are also taking pictures of people holding Dab the AIDS Bear at events, fund raisers, AIDS Walks, Prides, IML, speaking engagements, presentation and on vacations.

Some of our Ambassadors of Hope are: Bob "The Pirate" Bowers, River Huston (author/comedienne), Angel Rivera, Scott Kramer, Butch McKay, Michael Rajner, Kengi Carr, Lance Brittain, David Carranza, Princess Kuzune Zulu of Zambia, Krista Markham, Donald Miller, Diane Nilsen, David Capogna, Bill Boner, Larry Bryant.

These great individuals are traveling all over the United States, Canada, Australia, South and North Africa, Brazil and the Caribbean spreading Dab the AIDS Bear's message of hope and taking pics. So a huge shout out and thanks to all of them for their help and great pictures.

Hoping I feel better for the weekend. Gary is actually off for three whole days which only happens once or twice a year.

Here is hoping your weekend is great. Thanks to David Carranza who is at IML this weekend with Dab the AIDS Bear and getting pictures. David is the owner of Leather Masters and has a vendor booth at IML in Chicago.

The Leather Community was the first to respond to people dying with HIV in our country. I want to make sure they are represented in our graphics and our appreciation for service to suffering people. So here is a great big bear hug to you David.

If you are traveling somewhere this weekend like David and several other friends have a safe and great trip.

Wishing you health, hope and happiness.



big bear hug,





Daddy Dab