11 Things Guys May Keep Secret In New Relationships
Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Tuesday and I hope you are having a beary safe and great week so far. Dab the AIDS Bear is back home and resting up before another busy weekend. So stay tuned for more new pictures soon.
Everyone has secrets. Today I thought I would blog about secrets guys keep in new relationships. Some of these are mine and some I have heard from male friends. Everyone has skeletons in their closet. And while I donít have a secret life, criminal record or shady past, I had my share of secrets that didnít increase my appeal as a relationship material. To increase the odds that my boyfriend would stick around, here are the things I hid from her for a year.
1. I called more than one person after our first date and told them that I was going to marry him.
I told best friends that I just knew. They advised caution ó until they knew, too. When I told my fiancťe (many months later) about those phone calls, he said that he would have absolutely bolted had he known. Good call on my part to keep that one from him.
2. My friend Kevin.
The guys love Kevin. Itís understandable: Heís funny, smart, charming, handsome, and he even has my 78-year-old aunt wrapped around his finger. Itís weird. And more than one man I was interested in asked for Kevinís number. So Kevin wasnít about to get near my future husband until I felt he was likely to be immune to his charms. Every guy knows a Kevin.
3. Some embarrassing phobias.
If there is one thing horror movies have taught me, itís that bad things always happen in basements and attics, so I always avoid them. I hid this fear until we moved in together. After a week of unpacking he finally asked, ďWhy are all of the empty boxes in the hallway, and not in the attic?Ē I suggested we take them up together. He looked me straight in the eyes and asked if I was afraid of the attic. Now we use the buddy system when I need something in the basement or the attic.
4. Certain members of my family.
As I am sure many people can relate to, I love my family, but there are certain members that need a lot of explanation before meeting a significant other. My brother needed at least a year of explanation. In hindsight, I should have made it 18 months.
5. A deep love for romantic comedies from the 1980s.
I love movies. He knew that before we even started dating. What he didnít know, though, was that I love any romantic comedy from the Eighties. You know the ones, Pretty in Pink, Mannequin, Say Anything, Sixteen Candles, Canít Buy Me Love. I stupidly thought that it wasnít masculine and therefore should be kept secret. My fiancťe has set me straight about how primitive that mindset is. I actually wish I had told him sooner, because he has since introduced me to some other gems in the genre like Dirty Dancing and Some Kind of Wonderful.
6. My entire dating history.
This is another one that I was simply being closed-minded about. I had a rash of terrible (sometimes downright tragic) experiences with online dating. I had also been one part of a weird, unhealthy, ultimately unrequited love triangle with a boyfriend and his best friend. The online dating and love triangle were embarrassing, so I never mentioned them. However, as our relationship went on longer and longer, I felt like I was hiding something from him, which, I guess I was. When I finally told him, he was more concerned with my not telling him than he was about my past. In the end, I had nothing to worry about. I certainly suggest exhuming your dating history for your significant other ó itís cathartic.
7. My version of granny underwear.
All of the men I have ever dated had underwear that never saw the light of day until we were in the leaving-toothbrushes-at-each-otherís-place phase. Well, I had something similar: An old pair of blue, paint spattered sweatpants that I had cut the legs off to convert into shorts. I kept them from him, not only because I was somewhat embarrassed by them, but I was also afraid he was going to throw them out. I finally broke down and wore them after a particularly long laundry drought. My worst fears were realized: He laughed at them and then persuaded me to throw them out because as he puts it ďthey were falling down more than they were staying up.Ē
8. A few deep-seated insecurities.
To my future fiancťe, I came off as outgoing, confident, and together. Beneath that, I was constantly nervous, self-doubting, and unsure. He saw the cracks in the facade, but I didnít own up to them for a long time. Since then, we have confronted our insecurities together and continue to be each otherís most vocal cheerleader. Reveal your flaws (psychological or otherwise) sooner rather than later, it might just separate The One from the rest.
9. My generalized anxiety disorder is more serious than I let on.
I was diagnosed with GAD in college, but I have dealt with the disorder as long as I can remember. Some days are worse than others, and an off day can make me irritable, standoffish, and withdrawn. Thatís a lot for anyone unfamiliar with the disorder to deal with, so I told him about my GAD almost immediately. I even told him about my occasional panic attacks, but I didnít go into detail. I wish I had, because when I had my first panic attack in front of him he was blindsided by the ferocity of if. He adapted to the attack quicker than I would have, but I often regret not prepping him more, and earlier. It worked out okay, but itís not fair to your partner if you donít reveal the whole truth. Not only do you want to prepare them for the worst, they want to know how to help should the worst come.
10. My texts arenít the best representation of my personality.
My fiancťe still has a phone that would make Zach Morris snicker. It makes calls. Thatís it. He likes it that way. I do, too. The number of potential relationships that I throttled because of too many texts that were too affectionate, too soon, are in the triple digits. I mentioned this in passing, almost a year into our relationship. All he said was, ďYouíre lucky I didnít have texting.Ē
11. I drink milk directly out of the carton.
We were over a year into our relationship when he walked into our darkened kitchen, flipped on the light and caught me chugging directly from a full gallon. He. Was. Mad. Not only was I contaminating the milk, he said, I had been contaminating him without his consent for more than a year. I donít think anything on the list made him more upset than this one. Go figure.
While yours will be different, I have learned honesty is the best policy... well, most of the time.
Have a beary safe and great Tuesday!
Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope, happiness and just enough.
big bear hug,