Mom of a Bullied Teen Replies
Welcome to another day in my life. Today is Sunday and I hope you are having a safe and great weekend so far. Unfortunately, Dab the AIDS bear and I had to cancel our appearances this weekend at the last minute due to pulling the muscles in my back.
Luckily, our Ambassador of Hope Justin Bell filled in for us at the AIDS Walk in Jacksonville, Florida. So stay tuned for pictures and a slide show from their event. I heard they had a great turnout of over five hundred people for their second walk. Congratulations and kudos to Avery Garner who works so hard pulling off their walk.
Recently, I wrote about an email I received concerning the recent suicides of LGBT youth. Well today I have another one I want to share with you which touched my heart. She wrote her letter to an official in Vermont:
Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I have taken enough from you good people. I am tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17 year old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just could not bear to continue living any longer, that he did not want to be gay and that he could not face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I do not know why my son is gay, but I do know that God did not put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it is about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you will not get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I do not know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you had best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10 step program, I am puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that is not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I will thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they did not give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83 year old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That was not the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can not bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.
How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.
The deep thinking author of a letter to the April 12th Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving to be better human beings than we are?"
Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?
Now you know the rest of the story. Until we meet again; here's wishing you health, hope, happiness and just enough.
big bear hug,